


Two Days

by darkangel86



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Communication Failure, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Extended Scene, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sad Alec, Sad Magnus, post 2x18, sad boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 15:32:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11671944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkangel86/pseuds/darkangel86
Summary: Magnus waved his hands, throwing open the doors to the elevator, turning only once he'd stepping inside. He felt his breath catch in his throat, his eyes landing on Alec just in time to see him drop to the floor.





	Two Days

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for tonights episosde.
> 
> Y'all. I'm speechless after 2x18. But I had to write something. I had to fix it. So I did. Or I tried. You be the judge.
> 
> Warning for the description of a severe panic attack at the beginning of this.

Alec couldn't breathe. His vision swam as he stumbled into the chair at his side. Magnus words rang in his head, repeating themselves over and over again. He couldn't lose Magnus. He couldn't. Not now that he had him, that he'd made it to a point in his life where he could openly admit to himself and to Magnus, that he loved him. This wasn't fair. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. They'd had a fight. Those were normal for couples. Alec had assumed that once they'd both had a little time to take a deep breath and step back from the situation at hand that things would be okay. That was how it was supposed to happen. Not with Magnus walking away from Alec. Not with Magnus telling him he had to choose between his kind and Alec. That was never something that Alec had wanted. He would never ask Magnus to choose, never think for one second that it was something that would eventually have to happen.

Gripping the arms of the chair he was slumped in, Alec tried to catch his breath. He gasped, his eyes widening when he realized that he couldn't breathe. That his chest suddenly felt tight, like something was constricting it. He felt like his body, and his lungs, were on fire. His vision was doubled and cloudy and Alec threw his head back, trying desperately to make a sound, to catch a breath, for something to let Magnus know that he wasn't okay. That he needed him and that he was always going to need him.

“Mag-” Alec tried, gasping for air and nearly choking on it when he finally caught a break. “Mag...nus.” He managed to get out, his voice hoarse and barely above a whisper. Through the fog in his head Alec thought maybe Magnus had heard him. That he would turn back and come running back to him. Something. Anything. The last thing Alec thought before he blacked out was how he'd never realized that someone's heart could literally break.

&&&

Magnus waved his hands, throwing open the doors to the elevator, turning only once he'd stepping inside. He felt his breath catch in his throat, his eyes landing on Alec just in time to see him drop to the floor. 

Rushing out of the elevator Magnus ran to Alec, dropping down to his knees beside the man his heart belonged to. It didn't matter what he said, what he thought, Alexander was what mattered, the only thing that mattered to him. And he'd done this to him.

“Alec-Alexander!” Magnus yelled, grabbing him by his shoulders and lifting him into his lap. Alec was breathing, shallow and raggedly. Magnus cured himself. He'd known he had no business speaking the words he'd spoken to Alec. Not when he hadn't fully meant them. “Alexander, I need you to listen to me.” In his arms, Alec's eyelids fluttered but didn't open. “I need you to take a deep breath, Alexander. Do you hear me? I need you to listen and breathe with me. Feel that? Match your breathing with mine.” Magnus instructed, praying to the angels listening to help him help Alexander.

Through the fog in his mind, Alec knew he was being held. Where he'd suddenly felt cold and sweaty and wrong, he now felt safe and warm. He felt protected. It didn't take long for him to realize that he was in Magnus' arms. That Magnus was holding him, speaking to him. Alec tried to concentrate. He knew he needed to hear what Magnus was saying to him. Still. It was so hard to catch his breath. And then he felt Magnus take his hand and press it against his chest. No. Not his chest. His heart. Alec felt the breath begin to fill his lungs again and he nearly sobbed.

“Alec?” Magnus timidly asked, his own breathing a little more labored than before. In his arms, Alec's back arched just a fraction as sucked in a sudden, seemingly unexpected, deep breath.

Alec grasped, trying to take in as much air into his lungs as he could. His eyes were wet with tears as he looked up into Magnus' concerned face. Desperately he clutched at Magnus' chest, the hand that Magnus had laid over his heart. Alec could feel it beating wildly against his hand.

“Please. Please don't leave me. I'll, I'll fix this. I will. I'll do whatever you ask me to. I don't care anymore, Magnus. I can not lose you. You, you mean everything to me,” Alec sobbed as he collapsed against Magnus' chest, still trying to catch his breath and calm his breathing.

Magnus felt his heart break. He'd done this to Alec. He'd caused him this pain, caused this obvious panic attack. Magnus hated himself for it.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Alexander. Please. I didn't mean to upset you like this.” Magnus said urgently, his own eyes suddenly filled with tears that wasted no time in pouring over.

“Don't leave me, don't leave me, please don't leave me.” Alec begged and Magnus broke. He gathered Alec more securely in his arms and held him as close and as tight as he could.

“I'm sorry, Alexander. I'm sorry.” Magnus whispered in Alec's ear as he continued to hold him tightly.

“I didn't mean to lie. I didn't want to keep it a secret but I, I didn't know what to do. Magnus, I would never purposefully keep something like this from you. I swear. I'd only just found out a few hours before you confronted me about it. I wanted to tell you. I think I was going to. I was but you showed up first, and you already knew and I knew I'd messed up. Magnus, please believe me when I say I am sorry. You had every right to know about the sword." Alec said in a rush.

“I believe you. I do. But please, worry about steadying your breathing. Its still not right, darling.” Magnus said, worried beyond measure when Alec's breath still hadn't returned to normal.

“I'm fine. Magnus, I'm fine.” Alec tried to reassure him, failing to do so when he ended up gasping for breath again.

“You are not, Alexander! You just had a severe panic attack! You still can't breath properly so no, you are not okay.” Magnus was suddenly angry. Not at Alec, never again at his lover but at himself. He'd done this. He was the cause of Alec's panic attack.

“Not your fault. Its, this isn't your fault.” Alec said and Magnus jumped, startled that Alec had known what he was thinking. “I know you. I know how your mind works and this was not your fault. This was because I messed up. I messed up and lost you. You were walking away from me and my body went into shock, I think. I can't. Magnus. I can't lose you.” Alec said as earnestly as he'd ever admitted anything before.

Magnus' heart ached. His head was pounding. Alec's words now echoing in his mind.

“Alexander. I need you to listen to me, okay?” Magnus asked and he waited for Alec's nod before he continued. “I. I am not leaving you. I know that's what it looked like and I know that's what it sounded like and I can not begin to tell you how sorry I am for that. But darling? I need a little time. Just some time and space to get my head back on straight.” Magnus said, as carefully as he could. In his arms, Alec tensed and Magnus couldn't help but wince.

“Magnus.” Alec started but Magnus cut him off.

“Darling, I know its not what you want. And please, believe me when I say its not what I want either but right now, with the way things have happened, I need some time to myself. I have so much I need to figure out, about the Downworld and what the Seelie Queen wants and with the Clave lying to us all about the sword, Alec, its the last straw for us. You can understand that, can't you?” Magnus asked and waited with baited breath for Alec to answer.

“I can.” Alec replied, his eyes downcast as he spoke.

“Sweetheart. Please look at me.” Magnus all but begged, smiling a tight smile when Alec looked up into his eyes. “I am not leaving you. We? We are not over. But I need some time. To get my thoughts straight. To figure out this mess we're all in. Give me two days. Two days to collect my thoughts, to speak to my fellow warlocks. I won't tell them about the sword but they deserve to know that the Seelie Queen is up to something. We all need to be prepared for whatever she's going to throw at the Clave because something is coming.”

“Two days?” Alec asked, finally taking a moment to straighten himself up where he was still half laying in the floor. He cleared his throat and rubbed at his eyes in an attempt to clear the last of the fog away.

“Two days.” Magnus repeated, still holding tight to Alec's hands. “If you've not heard from me at the end of those two days, then you come find me. You find me, Alexander, and you pull me out of my own head. Because I know myself well enough to know that it won't be easy to do it by myself.” He admitted with a sad smile.

“I'll be there. I will always be there.” Alec said, once again sounding breathless but this time for another reason completely. Magnus wasn't leaving him. 

“I love you more than I have ever loved anyone, Alexander. Do you hear me? I have lived for almost five hundred years and I have loved many but never have I ever loved someone as fiercely as I love you.” Magnus said and Alec sucked in a sharp breath. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Magnus' and just simply breathed.

“You're everything I always knew I couldn't have.” Alec finally said, his voice soft as he spoke to Magnus. “I didn't know it was possible to feel this way about someone. I refuse to lose you, Magnus Bane. Do you hear me? You can walk away from me a hundred times and I will find you a hundred and one. I will follow you into hell fire if I have to.” He said as strongly as he could at the moment.

“Let's try and make sure neither of us are anywhere near any hell fire any time soon, okay?” Magnus tried to joke, happy when Alec offered him a patented eye roll. “How about we get you up off this floor and have someone come check you out?”

“Magnus, no. I'm okay. I really am.” Alec insisted. All he wanted was to curl into Magnus' warm embrace, in their bed at the loft and forget about everything. Since that wasn't an option at the moment, Alec was going to his room. He needed to be alone. He didn't exactly want to be alone but he thought that maybe he needed it.

“You'll text me, at least, and let me know you're okay?” Magnus asked as he helped Alec stand, his grip on the taller mans arms tightening a fraction when Alec seemed to stumbled.

“I'm going to say goodnight to my parents and Max and then I'm going to bed. I'll text you tonight and in the morning if you want.” Alec offered.

“Don't be offended if I don't reply. But I will always worry about you so yes, thank you. A text tonight and in the morning would be nice.” Magnus gripped Alec's arms tightly once more before letting go and taking a step back. “I love you, Alexander. Don't you think for one second that I don't.” He said, leaving no room for Alec to argue with him.

“I believe that. I believe you.” Alec spoke softly, his eyes once more wet with tears. Magnus reached up and wiped them away with another sad smile.

“Two day, Alexander.” Magnus said again, this time never turning his back on Alec as he walked away.

Alec watched as Magnus stepped backwards into the elevator, their eye contact only breaking once the doors shut. Knees suddenly weak, Alec lowered himself down into the chair he'd previously been in. Dropping his head down into his hands, Alec let the flood gates open, crying like he hadn't cried since he was a child.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know. I'm just a mess.


End file.
